As I sit in the Pews…I am far from perfect.
As I sit in the Pews…I am aware, I know that I sit in the Hospital for Sinners.
As I write from the Pews…I try to be a Devout, Practicing, Christ-like Witness.
The more I write from the Pews…The more difficult it is to maintain that persona.
I originally intended to write what I heard From the Pews.
I originally intended to share what I Interpreted during Fr. Mario’s Wonderful Thought-Provoking Homilies.
I originally intended to make this entirely a positive, Christ-searching, Christ-finding, Journey.
The intent was there…
On more than one occasion I have deviated.
On more than one occasion I have indulged my own self-centered, narcissistic, autocratic desires.
On more than one occasion I have not just deviated, strayed, but headed full-force in the opposite direction of the straight and narrow.
The same is happening now…
Is there not some worth in honesty?
Is there not some value in learning from another’s struggles, failures, falls, sins?
Is there not a possibility that this is where I am being led?
An individual whom I have quickly grown to admire and respect said this:
As I wrote, I [...didn't] want to become a hack. I want[ed] to write original things in an insightful way. [...] Anyone who wants to read what I wrote is free to do so, or not to do so. I am beholden to no one. [...] Initially I would very discouraged, but I realized that if I couldn’t just write and throw it out there, not really caring what happened, then it would be best not to [...write].
His words have inspired me. They have provided me with a certain licence.
And yet I fear the golem.
Once created and set free, what havoc will it wreak?
I care not how I am viewed and judged. As I posted before…”Only God Can Judge Me.”
Besides, it is all true. And those that know me, know. And those that don’t know me, well, they simply don’t know me.
What of the Innocent? What of my Children?
THIS is my fear. Will they be stigmatized? Will they be told?
I suppose they will find out.
All that we do comes to light. ALL…Sooner or Later, ALL of it comes to light.
It is painful when it does.
It is necessary that it does.
When ALL is exposed, we are forced to be humble and humility is a much needed virtue…
As I typed that last line, I remembered that I received a Huge Virtual Smack in the Head!
How vain am I that I think it is just I who has these struggles?
How vain am I that I think God cannot forgive me my sins?
The grace we receive in this sacrament is something too many of us are willing to live without. There are two reasons for this, as far as I can tell. First, you are too proud either to see that you are a sinner in need of forgiveness, or because you see yourself as able to obtain this grace on your own without the benefit of the sacrament, effectively saying you don’t need the church. I remind you that even in the prayer of absolution, Christ gives you pardon and peace and absolves you of your sins only through the ministry of the church, thus reconciling you to God and to your sisters and brothers, with whom you gather around the table of the Eucharist. Besides, I am hard-pressed to think of a better way of practicing humility than by going to confession on a regular basis. The second reason many do not drink from this fountain of grace is that, in a bizarre instance of pride that wears the mask of humility, some think their sins bigger, wider, or deeper than God’s mercy given us in Christ Jesus; or, foolishly worry whether or not God will forgive them. My friends, you do not go to confession in order see whether or not God will forgive you; because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ you are always already forgiven, you to go to confession in order to realize this fact and to see firsthand why it matters to you (Deacon Dodger).
God’s Grace is mine. It is ours. He forgives. He loves. He paid the ultimate Ransom for us.
Never stop asking questions seems to be the theme.
I suppose you can apply this statement not just to our Faith as Fr. Mario said, but to everything.
The moment we conform, the moment we become content and appeased, then we stop growing, learning and more important, we stop Challenging!
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).
- Mark Twain
If you have read my purpose, you will know that one of my goals is to agitate. This is Crux for me! And not just to agitate you, I want to be able to accomplish that, it would be AMAZING if I could! But, I want to make myself uncomfortable when I write. I want to not be sure if what I write is “acceptable” to all. I want to worry if I have offended someone. I want to be uncomfortable because what I wrote may be too raw or too honest or too exposing.
Because then that means that I may have actually accomplished something! Thus far, I have been quite “comfy” in my stance. I haven’t really delved deep into anything.
I am not a FOOL (well not that big of a fool, or at least I like to think so), I know that getting people to read my blog is first and foremost my goal. How can I agitate if there isn’t anyone TO agitate?
I guess what I am saying is that soon, before you know it, when you least realize it, I may just make you uncomfortable. I may just leave you open-mouthed and shocked with what I reveal about myself and my views. Maybe, just maybe, I will create a golem that will run rampant, free and terrorizing.
Maybe, just Maybe…