Relationships are hard.
They can be more than a bit trying leaving you wondering if they are even worth it!
Last night I found myself telling 2 Wonderful and Beloved friends that from the 365 days a year, I ponder upon this same issue about…well…approximately 360 days of the year.
While I said it in jest, we have a saying in Español:
Entre Broma y Broma, Cae La Pedrada.
Literally translated, between one joke and another, the stone is thrown. Meaning, that to all “Just Playing” or “I’m Kidding, don’t take it so seriously!” or “I was just messing with you” or any variation of these, there is always some truth. There is always some truth to teasing, to “jokes.”
And while 360 may be way too many days in the year to wonder if getting Married was a good decision, it does occur.
I Love my Other Half. I do. That will never change.
But, Dear Lord Help Me! Sometimes……..
Let’s just say that sometimes his going back to Mommy doesn’t seem like such a bad idea
Not to bash all Mum-In-Laws, I mean, My Mami is one and she is Phenomenal Yeah I know, she IS my Mami, what else am I going to say. But, I have had the opportuinity to have another Mother-In-Law and I Loved, and still Love and Admire that woman! She taught me so much! But above all, she treated me like a daughter. No, better than she treated her own daughters at times!
It was a new town for me. No family, no friends, no one.
I had never met my Ex-Husbands immediate Family. They just knew that we got Married because, well, basically because I got Pregnant. Plain and Simple.
I had met my Ex’s aunt in Cali, and let me tell you!!! She really, really, really disliked me because I was born in the US.
You see, in her limited way of thinking, the girls that were born and raised in México were so much better than we Pochas (I totally dislike that word, btw). She believed that México raised, small town raised girls were much better women all the way around for they knew how to make, care for and create a home. These types of females knew how to serve their husbands and how to behave, appropriately. While we evil US raised girls were selfish, self-centered, and lazy. According to his Aunt, we did not know how to cook, do laundry, clean…basically, we lacked any domestic skills.
Time and experience proved her wrong and taught me different.
The small town raised girls were more dependent than a US raised girl will ever be.
Granted, there always exist exceptions, I know this, but in general, these are the things I observed.
You see, in the US, we have to be self-sufficient. Usually both parents work. Thus, you have to cook for yourself, do your own laundry, clean-up and help around the house because otherwise there will be Hell to pay when your parents get home, for they have been working all day and you’ve been home since 3ish. So, dinner better be made, the house clean, all chores done and you had better have finished or at least started your homework because you are expected to maintain very good grades.
Contrast this to the small town girl. Her Mom is usually a Home Maker. Therefore, the Mom will have breakfast made. The Mom will do all the cooking, period. The girl will have to clean her room. Maybe help with the wash. Otherwise the Mom will do it as she is home all day.
The girl gets home from school, has a snack that the Mom has prepared. She does her homework. Once done, they will all sit together and crochet, knit, cross-stitch or any variation of these to pass the time until Dad gets home and they have dinner that the Mom prepared.
So…how are they better prepared?? And this is just a very brief overview.
Now, where was I? Wait while I scroll above….
Okay…re-reading above I am aware that I did not directly but in a very non-upfront kind of way maybe made my Mother-In-Law seem like maybe she’s not the greatest.
Okay, that’s wrong! Sorry! But she can be difficult at times, as I know she is more than happy to say that and much, much more about me
But yes, relationships are very trying.
There are the misunderstandings. The different temperaments. The having to adapt. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. This is the easy part.
It gets ugly when Trust is Lost. When you discover things that afterward, you wish you hadn’t.
It is horrid when you have to have a “Discussion,” that will undoubtedly lead to a nasty fight.
And Heaven forbid that fight be unfair! Meaning that slurs are thrown about wrecklessly. There is no respect for one another as a Creature, a Creation of God. The roles we are to take are taken for granted or forgotten, abandoned even for the sake of venom being spewed from those lips that you not too long ago perhaps ardently kissed.
But the loss of trust. That is Hell on Earth! Not knowing. Not believing. Not wanting to accept, to know.
When you are betrayed. Lied to. Cheated on. When that, which you lovingly, trustingly, unconditionally gave them on a silver platter is tossed aside. Thrown to the ground carelessly, no, Wrecklessly…
Trust is one of the worst things, if not THE worst thing to lose.
How do you fill a Being with Love then there are puncture wounds all over through which any attempt not may, but will leak through?
That is one of the Best analogies that I have ever come across!
The Love Tank, if you will, of a Person that has been abused, hurt, cheated on, betrayed, etc will have holes.
At the beginning very big ones, many, many big ones. With time they may become smaller, but they may be there for a very, very long time. And as others, especially the person that made those holes try to fill your tank with Love, their words, actions, gestures, will leak through these holes. Thus, they need to do a lot and frequently in order for the injured one to feel any sort of relief, security, confidence, trust…
When I came across this analogy, I felt that it fully explained my situation with my Other Half. He tries, very hard at times to provide security and to make me feel loved, the problem lies not just with the holes, but with the fact that when he loses his temper or loses respect for me as his Wife, his Partner, his Tabernacle, he not just makes new holes, but the existing ones grow bigger.
And honestly, nothing frustrates me more than when he tells me he doesn’t know what to do to make things better, therefore he just chooses to make them worse by being a JERK!
It frustrates me because I have time and time again sat with him and shared what things fill me with Confidence, Trust, Security, with Love…but he chooses consistently and constantly to do just the opposite.
It can be and is very trying. Hence the 360 days
But as I shared with the Lovely Ladies I was with last night, it is those 65 days that make it all worthwhile.
Those days aren’t just I Love You Days, no. That would be too easy!
On those days, he has these epiphanies as to what a Marriage should be.
On those days, he realizes and shares with me that he understands how his role really IS to be Priest to our Family.
On those days, he is introspective and shares insights about himself that he had many times failed to see.
On those days, he is my Christ. ♥
Relationships are hard.
Relationships are a vocation.
Relationships definitely are not for the weak at heart
And yet, we take them for granted.
How sad. How very, very sad.